Roommates: What Have They Done To Me?

We prefer the vanity area to chat; to bond, if you will. Sitting on the floor in there, everything comes out. It turns into more than just a place where one brushes their teeth or sprays on ounces of hairspray, it turns into almost a confessional. I guess not everything comes out, but for me at least, I feel safe to talk. I'm not an emotional person, or I didn't used to be at least. My roommates are straight up blues [color code reference]. They thrive on emotion. Everything has to do with emotion. This is something that I sometimes don't understand, it's kind of foreign to me. But.... as of late, they have started to bring out that side of me. I've come out a few times and really expressed some things and how I am really feeling and some people [Ern] find it mind boggling that I was actually able to do that, that I actually have feelings and am not completely emotionless and heartless. It's weird. Definitely a new sensation, but it's a relief. Being around these lovely ladies has definitely made me see myself in a different light, I've come to know myself better. Or maybe I'm just getting more confused. I think a part of me used to think that showing too much emotion was a sign of weakness, and weak is one of the last things I want to be. I've cried, really cried, meh... MAYBE 5 times in my life, emphasis on the "maybe." I've never blown up on any one and I have a really hard time showing how excited I really am. I guess I've also never really seen the need to show emotion, or the reason to be so emotional. In my household, my sisters and mom are also big blues and watching them I'd always wonder, "Why are you crying? There is no reason to be crying right now," or "Why are you getting mad about this? This is a really dumb thing to waste your energy on being mad about." I don't know, emotion still kind of boggles my mind. I've had people try to explain it to me before, and I guess I kind of understand where they are coming from, but in my little white mind, it's kind of hard to fully grasp. I have to say though, I'm proud of myself for actually getting to the point where I feel like I can share the things that I'm feeling. It's still hard for me to accurately express what I'm feeling because I'm not completely sure of the feelings that are going on, but I'm working on it. My goal in life is to have more variety in life; to be more well-rounded, to understand other people and be able to relate to them no matter what their personality type is like. You emotional blues are the hardest to nail down. One day....
Maybe I should start going to a therapist where they force me to share my emotions and then help me sort them all out. That could be sweet. Now all I have to do is figure out what I'm really feeling. Maybe I'll go buy a mood ring.
Until I find a therapist that is free and a desire to actually go, my good ol' roommies in the bathroom will have to do.

Today I feel.....