I Hope I'm Not 12 Again.

Something strange is going on with me. It's not puberty.

I'm becoming more like a girl (still not a puberty reference). Instead of my usual outfit of basketball shorts and ragged t-shirts, I'm wearing lace (LACE!) shirts and pleated high-waisted shorts. I've painted my nails twice in the last two weeks. I'm taking a pilates class. The idea of marriage isn't as scary as it used to be. I don't dread wearing dresses, instead, I invite the desire of slipping on a bottomless outfit. It's a strange, strange thing to stand back and look at myself and what changes have taken place.

I think it's a subconscious thing.
I've always been the "tomboy," "one of the guys," a not-typical girl, or the one that looked like a man (mostly it was only when I came home from work). More than once people would ask, "what do girls do in this situation?... Kenlynn, you aren't allowed to answer this, you aren't a regular girl." I don't mind it, not at all actually. I think for the most part, girls are dumb and annoying and boring and un-funny, there are exceptions of course. Boys trump girls in practically every aspect. They are definitely the superior gender. Sorry feminists... kind of.... not really.
Anyhow.
I think it's a subconscious thing.
As in, I think a part of me wants to be more girly and not just another one of the guys. Maybe I feel this way because apparently guys aren't attracted to guys? I guess I want to seem attractive.
Maybe it's just a phase. Although, I am having fun painting my nails. Or maybe, this is just me maturing. Is this the mature me? Am I mature? I doubt it.
My mindset/personality hasn't really changed though. I still like to go out and play a good sweaty game of some sport and preferably come out of it with grass-stains, maybe a couple of bruises, and a wee bit of blood. I still enjoy a good wrestling match and watching people play Halo or what-have-you.

Change is good. For me it's cleansing. It provides for new opportunities and new experiences. According to Chakras, this isn't good. My chi isn't in balance. Oh well.