Schizophrenics Have It Good.

Can I just have two lives? Like in that movie with Demi: Passion of Mind. I don't actually remember what that movie was about, so just focus on the fact that she lived two lives and nothing else.

When people talk about what they want when they grow up, my mind wrestles with it's self.
Do I want a house or a studio apartment? A career or lots of kids? Country or city? Single life or life with a ring on the finger?

There are a lot of people that know exactly what they want. "I want seven kids (4 boys and 3 girls) by the time I am 33, a modest house with a white picket fence in the 'burbs of Seattle where my husband is a dentist and I am a stay at home mom. On weekends the kids choose a meal and movie that we enjoy together. I'll attend aerobics classes while the kids go to school." etc etc.

I think I know where I'll end up and it's a happy ending, but still a part of me wonders what the other side would be like. It sounds thrilling.

Side one: the more-than-likely side with a small amount of details:
I'll marry some wonderful guy by the age of 23. I'll work as a physical therapist while he finishes up school and figures out what kind of grown up job he wants to live with and we'll enjoy a few years to ourselves. Eventually we'll have 3-5 kids and I'll stop working for the world and find a new job as a stay at home mom. We'll live in the suburbs in a happy little neighborhood where I feel safe letting my kids go trick-or-treating. Or maybe we'll live in the country in a small town, either way, it'll be a happy life.

Side two: the side I want right now:
Change my major to world travels (if there is such a thing) and minor in a handful of languages. Graduate. By this time I will have magically saved up enough money. Drop everything and head for the other side of the world. Live in Europe for a couple of years, hopping from here to there: Rome, Venice, Paris, Madrid, Berlin, Athens, London, and everywhere in between, also swing by Africa and Asia. I want to spend enough time in these places that I learn to appreciate them and their backgrounds and am able to find all the neat non-tourist things. Come back to the States where I'll live in a city (even if it is just Salt Lake) in a semi-run-down studio apartment and work. In my late 20's I'll eventually settle down and probably continue onto the other side.

This is my dilemma and the reason I want to be able to live two lives. Both plans look great. The first road is something I've grown up with thinking about. It's the life I've learned to accept (that word makes it sound like I've been forced into it, I don't mean it in with that connotation). I've seen it work and it seems to make people happy. The second road I've always, in the back of my mind, thought about. It sounds romantic to me. It's a crazy plan. It sounds like a wonderful adventure and I drool just thinking about it.

I can see myself living and enjoying each of these plans even though they are both so different.

I don't want to have to choose. Yes, I can shove them both together and get parts of both, but I guess a part of me feels selfish and wants to live each life separately without any distraction from the other side.

I know things will work out though in one way or another. It'll be interesting to see what road I decide to take, if it's one of those or something completely different.